Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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