We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
