I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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