Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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