Yo dont text me then not text me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
