I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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