Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
