My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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