Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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