Betty ford says i'm here all night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
