I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
