Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
