I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
