Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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