Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
