69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
