he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
