so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't deserve a penis
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
