I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
