I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
