I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
