I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
