I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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