so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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