Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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