im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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