i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
