I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
