I hate all girls vehemently.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
