I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Vodka?
Forever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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