so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
