Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he thought i was a dude.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
