I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
