I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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