She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
