Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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