I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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