life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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