Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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