yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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