Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
