APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
