I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
