so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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