When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
