I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
