I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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