There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
