At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
