i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
