it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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