is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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