Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
