i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
